“I built a cluster of servers at Grandpa’s the other day.”

Dash: ::cough cough cough cough:: Ian: cover your mouth. Dash: ::recovering from his coughing fit:: Welp, too late now!

I don’t do birthdays.

First day of Montessori School

“Can I have my backpack?” “No, first of all it’s a cooler bag, not a backpack, and second of all it’s not yours.” “Oh, for god’s sake.” …

I got mad because we couldn’t find the Starbucks that the highway sign promised is existed and said “God, you can’t just put a sign up and then hide the Starbucks, jerkfaces!” and got told “No mommy that’s not appropriate language for you to use.”

“All you darnit cars, get out of mommy’s way!” “I’m so frustrated of these people driving, mommy.”

Dash is laughing at something. “What are you laughing at, buddy?” “A funny silly joke!” “Oh yeah? What’s the funny silly joke?” “No mommy! You can’t talk about the funny silly joke!”

“Dash, when you put your shirt on, you don’t want to be able to see the writing or else it’ll be on backwards.” “No mommy.” “Yes, trust me. If you do it that way, the writing will be on the back when you pull it over your head!” “NO MOMMY I DON’T TRUST YOU! I only trust...

“I have three hundred million dollars!” “Oh my! That’s a lot of money! What are you going to buy?” “I’m going to buy cashews!” That sounds like a pretty sound investment.